a simplified guide to sexualities

  • homosexual: sexually attracted to homer simpson
  • pansexual: gets off to various kitchen utensils
  • asexual: gets turned on by the first letter of the latin alphabet
  • demisexual: sexually attracted to you if and only if your blood is half divine
  • bisexual: can only have sex with two people ever. choose wisely
  • heterosexual: can only be satisfied by macklemore